Submitted by Katlan Cain, of the Custer Network Against Domestic/Sexual Assault
Did you know that throughout our nation, teens aged 12 to 19 experience the highest rates of sexual assault and rape? (youth.gov) Within a single year, about 1.5 million high school students experience some form of abuse from a dating partner. (Loveis Respect. org) February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month or TDVAM, and this issue has an impact on not only teens but parents, teachers, friends, and communities. It is vital to amplify our efforts and awareness to "stand against violence when we see it" and to shine a light on this crucial topic.
Abuse and violence take place in both heterosexual and same-gender relationships. While reports of dating violence are more frequent from females, males are often abused in relationships as well, though, it isn't as easy as noticing a bruise or a change in their behavior.
Statistics reflect that one in three males are victims of intimate partner violence; however, males are more reluctant to report due to shame or fear of revenge, so these numbers are likely much higher. Dating violence for a male may look like his partner is overly possessive and controlling of him. Keeping track of everywhere he goes and every person he talks to, humiliation especially in front of friends and often through texts and direct messages containing belittling remarks. Manipulation in the form of making false allegations against him and constant threats to leave him or pushing him to change things about himself, like how he dresses and who his friends are. Psychological abuse is a common form of violence, and the consequences of this can have lasting effects on the development of teens and what they learn is acceptable in relationships.
Females experience dating violence in many of the same forms as males, through psychological means as well as physical and sexual violence. Physical abuse may be as apparent as being punched, slapped, or kicked. Still, any unwanted contact with your body is not healthy and acts such as grabbing you by the clothes or face to make you look at them, shoving you or pulling you, throwing objects at you, or grabbing you by your hair are all forms of physical violence. Sexual abuse is any pressure or force to do a sexual act you don't want to do. Circumstances in which sexual activity occurs can impact the amount of control a person has over their body and is also considered sexual violence, such as restricting access to birth control or condoms, coercing sexual acts, and engaging in sexual contact. At the same time, sexual assault is when a person is unconscious or otherwise unable to clearly state they consent to the sexual act, unwanted kissing or touching, and obviously, intercourse without consent is called rape. Just because a person didn't say 'no,' does not mean they said 'yes.' Regardless of if a person is intoxicated, intimidated, or obligated, these are never reasons to assume you have the right to touch another human's body, and it is never the victims' fault. Every person has a right to decide what they want to do or not do sexually.
The technological world we now live in with texting and social networking is a common way people are targeted, harassed, and stalked. In healthy relationships, it is never okay to send insulting or threatening messages or pictures to another person, even if you think it is 'only a joke,' things like this aren't funny. Setting statuses to put down or insult a person is another form of digital dating abuse and is common among teens. Sending unsolicited explicit photos or making demands for these photos is unacceptable, as well as stealing passwords or using GPS to monitor the whereabouts of a person.
Adolescents who stay in abusive relationships experience a multitude of consequences from drug use, to eating disorders, to self-harming and suicide.
During TDVAM, we aim to end the cycle of violence by offering support and services to survivors, their families, and our community. Anyone can help make a difference in the issue of teen dating violence in many ways. Know and understand the warning signs of unhealthy relationships.
Interact with teens and talk to them about their relationships. It's okay to leave out some of those scary statistics, but talking in a positive way about the characteristics of healthy relationships and what that looks like is still very beneficial. Kindness, acceptance, and freedom are all terms that should be used when describing a healthy relationship. When watching shows or movies that portray stalking or coercing as romance or sexiness, make a point to say, "You know, in real-life things like that are not okay." Direct teens who may be in abusive relationships to resources that may be able to help them, like a trusted family member, a mental health therapist, or even their family doctor.
CNADA is trained in how to handle abusive situations and how to rebuild your life when recovering from one, we don't discriminate against anyone, and of course, everything you share with any of our advocates is entirely confidential.
Let us come together as parents, teachers, friends, and as a community to help our teens recognize healthy relationships and avoid raising adults who become perpetrators and victims of adult intimate partner violence. The best place to start is with the next generation of adults.
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